Remember those SAT analogy questions?

1.) BIRD : NEST as...

(A) dog : doghouse
(B) squirrel : tree
(C) beaver : dam
(D) cat : litter box
(E) book : library

I hated those questions. Though I was young, I knew in my bones that WORDS : ANALOGY as CUCUMBERS : MUSIC.

With that in mind...

Been noticing a lot of chatter on the Heaven/Hell issue lately. Since I'm sitting around with not much to do, I thought I'd throw in my two cents.

HEAT : COLD as LIGHT : DARKNESS.

and

COLD : REALITY as DARKNESS : REALITY as UNICORN : REALITY

That is, "cold" and "darkness" are not actual states of being. They don't, in a sense, exist.

They are states of nothingness.

"Cold" is simply the absence of "Heat," and Heat is simply the energization of lifelessness.

"Darkness" is simply the absence of "Light," and Light is simply the energization of emptiness.

Not everything has an opposite.

Take Love, for instance. You know, agape?

I used to think that the opposite of Love was Hate.

Then I got a little wisdom (a dangerous state), and concluded that the opposite of Love is Fear...that Hate was just a symptom of Fear.

As I've come (slowly and begrudgingly) to view and accept God's creation as complete, as "good," as "very good," I've also come to believe that the opposite of Love is neither Hate nor Fear. They are both symptoms.

Hellish symptoms.

The opposite of Love is Nothingness. Cold. Darkness.

HEAT : NOTHING as LIGHT : NOTHING as LOVE : NOTHING

The more removed I become from reading Genesis literally, the more I'm amazed at it's unexplainable, poetic accuracy.

I mean, think about the paradigm "Let there be..." There was not, and God said "Let there be..." Didn't have to be worded that way. Most other creation myths, if you examine them carefully, have creation occurring out of something else. Genesis? "There was not...Let there be...It (that which became) was good, very good."

To be or not to be? That is the question.

Imagine for a moment what would become of you (the eternal state of your soul, if you will) if you failed to embrace the notion that heat was real and necessary to life, and then lived accordingly. Or light.

There'd be some serious weeping and gnashing of teeth, I'd imagine.

Now then. How would you answer this one?

HEAVEN : HELL as...

...

Grace and Peace,
Raffi

Blog Action Day is an annual event that unites the world's bloggers in posting about the same issue on the same day on their own blogs with the aim of sparking discussion around an issue of global importance.

This year's topic is "Climate Change."

The Blog Action Day website contains a few suggestions for particular types of blogs on how they might address the issue. Some of the suggestions...

* A Technology or Business blog might write about emerging clean tech and how innovative companies might be able to help address the problem of climate change.
* A Health or Lifestyle blog might write about how climate change will affect our children's health and daily living.
* A Nonprofit or Political blog might write about how climate change is deeply connected to many other issues - such as poverty and conflict.
* A Design blog might write about new trends in eco-friendly or sustainable design.
* A Travel blog might write about the places you want to see now before climate change makes them difficult to access or, well, under the sea.

I didn't like any of those angles.

I like George Carlin's take on the issue.

Not always, mind you. There are days when I would violently disagree with George on this one. But sometimes, I think he's really on the right track here. Maybe (and I know this is shocking) the truth lies somewhere in the middle (and probably skewed a bit toward George's perspective).

And, in any event, I didn't think we'd be hearing too many voices coming from this particular angle on Blog Action Day. So in the interests of balance, perspective, humility and, perhaps most importantly, a bit of humor, here's what George Carlin would have said about this year's topic.



Grace and Peace,
Raffi

My new favorite American beer is from Stone Brewing Co. in Escondido, California. It's an American Strong called Arrogant Bastard Ale. Hoppy. Yum.

Which leads me to my first post in a few months.

So I've been keeping my eye on this whole "let's talk Christianity" thing...from a safe distance. I didn't know why I was asked to keep my distance, but I was. Maybe it was to acquire the courage (non-accountability?) to say this. Maybe not.

...So I'm pretty much convinced that a lot of what's in the Bible is wrong.

{uncomfortable pause}

OK, here's the thing. Yes, I am an arrogant bastard. I tend to speak and think as if my position on the wisdom-mountain-climb is the correct position. That's a problem. I'm working on it, my new favorite beer notwithstanding.

OK, back to the whole Bible-wrong thing.

What are these stories? Simply, they're the words of human beings trying to interpret/make-sense-of this gargantuan, unspeakable God/World dynamic. And these particular humans have taken a pretty admirable stab at it, often the most admirable stabs in human history. We can learn much from their attempts, and especially when we look at the collection as a whole.

But at the individual-interpretation level, can we just come out and say that they're often wrong, i.e., they don't match the vision of the God revealed in Jesus Christ?

Can we just say that?

Look, don't get me wrong. The Bible is packed to the gills with truths, valiantly reduced to human language. The most valid accounts of the Truth-revealer are found within its pages.

But can't we just say that the guy who thought the God-revealed-in-Jesus ordered the killing of the Canaanites was wrong?

Can't we just say that the guy who thought the God-who-is-Love hated Esau was wrong? And that the guy who used that passage to argue that the God-of-the-Cross has created certain people in order to damn them was, to that extent, just plain wrong?

Can't we just say that? Would the whole system collapse if we admitted that ancient peoples doing their best to communicate the divine often messed up? Do we have to build entire, ridiculous theological systems around these good-intentioned-but-un-Jesus-shaped interpretations (yes, Calvinists, I am talking about you)?

Yes, the Spirit of God inspired these writings. The Spirit of God has inspired me to do a lot of things. I still fuck up while sincerely trying to do them every now and again...

...and again...

...and again.

And so do you.

And so does he.

And so does she.

And so did Paul.

And so did the guy(s) who wrote the Pentateuch.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I can just hear my narrative-enamored brethren now:

"...poetry..."

"...metaphor..."

"...apocalyptic imagery..."

And my postmodern brethren:

"...not about true/false..."

"...context..."

That's not what I'm talking about, and you know it.

I'm talking about the "God did/said this" passages, and we who come up with complex explanations because we're too chicken shit to say, "Uh, if your talking about the God revealed in Jesus of Nazereth, no He didn't."

I'm talking about the passages that Scot McKnight has to write parakeet books to explain. I'm talking about the passages that Bart Ehrman can cite to justify his atheism, and to which N.T. Wright can say nothing in response.

Yes, I'm glad Paul won that political-theological battle against the circumcision party, and I still consider him the second greatest theologian who ever lived, factoring in the circumstances under which he was writing.

But, in my humble but accurate opinion, Paul wrote some things that simply don't jive with what Jesus was talking/living/rising about...notwithstanding the book in which they're found.

{Ducks hurled stone}

There. I said it.

Goin' back to the cave to hide now. See you in a few months (or maybe tomorrow...depends on what God predestined for me).

Grace and Peace,
Raffi

Peter Rollins has written a book of parables called The Orthodox Heretic: And Other Impossible Tales. "Parables" are powerful things, and Peter is somewhat hesitant to call his stories by that name, instead inviting his readers to decide if they are worthy to be so labeled.

Peter Rollins has written a book of parables.

'Bout a month ago, I bid farewell to the blogosphere. Well, not entirely. I did mention that I might post the occasional piece here and there, but I'm done with the regular, every-other-day stuff.

I received a lot of feedback on that decision. Thanks to everyone who expressed some pretty powerfully kind words about the stuff here at Parables. I was truly humbled by your sentiments.

Some others asked "Why?" I tried my best to explain, but I never adequately expressed, or could ever express, the specific reasons.

Peter Rollins did it for me.

The following is the first parable from Orthodox Heretic...for all those who asked me "Why?"

"In a world where following Christ is decreed to be a subversive and illegal activity, you have been accused of being a believer, arrested, and dragged before a court.

You have been under clandestine surveillance for some time now, and so the prosecution has been able to build up quite a case against you. They begin the trial by offering the judge dozens of photographs that show you attending church meetings, speaking at religious events, and participating in various prayer and worship services.

After this, they present a selection of items that have been confiscated from your home: religious books that you own, worship CD's, and other Christian artifacts. Then they step up the pace by displaying many poems, pieces of prose, and journal entries that you had lovingly written concerning your faith...

Throughout the case you have been sitting silently in fear and trembling. You know deep in your heart that with the large body of evidence that has been amassed by the prosecution you face the possibility of a long imprisonment or even execution. At various times throughout the proceedings you have lost all confidence and have been on the verge of standing up and denying Christ. But while this thought has plagued your mind throughout the trial, you resist the temptation and remain focused.

Once the prosecution has finished presenting their case the judge proceeds to ask if have anything to add, but you remain silent and resolute, terrified that if you open your mouth, even for a moment, you might deny the charges made against you. Like Christ, you remain silent before your accusers. In response you are led outside to wait as the judge ponders your case.

The hours pass slowly as you sit under guard in the foyer waiting to be summoned back. Eventually, a young man in uniform appears and leads you into the courtroom so that you may hear the verdict and receive word of your punishment. Once you have been seated in the dock the judge, a harsh and unyielding man, enters the room, stands before you, looks deep into your eyes and begins to speak.

"Of the charges that have been brought forward I find the accused not guilty."

"Not guilty?" Your heart freezes. Then, in a split second, the fear and terror that had moments before threatened to strip your resolve are swallowed up by confusion and rage.

Despite the surroundings, you stand defiantly before the judge and demand that he give an account concerning why you are innocent of the charges in light of the evidence.

"What evidence?" he replies in shock.

"What about the poems and prose I wrote?" you reply.

"They simply show that you think of yourself as a poet, nothing more."

"But what about the services I spoke at, the times I wept in church and the long, sleepless nights of prayer?"

"Evidence that you are a good speaker and actor, nothing more," replied the judge. "It is obvious that you deluded those around you, and perhaps at times you even deluded yourself, but this foolishness is not enough to convict you in a court of law."

"But this is madness!" you shout. "It would seem that no evidence would convince you!"

"Not so," replied the judge as if informing you of a great, long-forgotten secret.

"The court is indifferent toward your Bible reading and church attendance; it has no concern for worship with words and a pen. Continue to develop your theology, and use it to paint pictures of love. We have no interest in such armchair artists who spend their time creating images of a better world. We exist only for those who would lay down that brush, and their life, in a Christlike endeavor to create a better world. So, until you live as Christ and his followers did, until you challenge this system and become a thorn in our side, until you die to yourself and offer your body to the flames, until then, my friend, you are no enemy of ours." "

Grace and Peace,
Peter